9 Amazing Secrets to Keeping Sex Sacred
Following post is contributed by our member teacher Janelle
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Sex is more than two bodies coming together. When properly enjoyed, sex employs not just the physical but the mental and yes, the soul. When these elements come together, the gorgeous result is known as tantric sex.
But how do you begin? So many of my clients take bits and pieces of information and try to create a sacred sexual space. I’m of the mind that any time you try to reach out to your partner on all levels, you’re already employing the sacred. All you need is a little more information.
While sex, sacred or not, isn’t really meant to be picked apart element by element, tantric sex does rely on some deep and absolutely delicious secrets. (Remember, it’s supposed to be fun, too!) Here are 9 satisfying ways to make and keep sex sacred for you and your partner.
#1: Environment is Everything
You’ve come a long way since your first furtive experiences. These may have been hurried, and you two probably didn’t think much about your surroundings. It was enough just to be together.
Technically, it still is. But if you really want to create sparks, pay attention to your environment. Every couple’s ideal sexual space will be different, so experiment. Try oil fragrances, candles, soft colors and lighting, and different types of music. Also be sure to dress up your bed in linens that look and feel sensuous and luxurious.
#2: Cultivate Your Relationship Outside the Bedroom
It’s been said before, and I agree 100%: great sex starts outside the bedroom. This is particularly true of spiritual sex.
During the day, send “I’m thinking of you” texts. Call and whisper something to your partner that tickles him or her. When he needs an ear, truly listen. Have his back when he needs you. As he does these same things for you, you’ll both find yourselves readier than ever, even though some of these things may not overtly be “sexual” at all.
#3: Keep it Clean (for Now)
I’ll bet you love it when your lover comes to the bedroom looking and smelling freshly groomed. He loves it, too, so give your body the attention both of you deserve (he should do the same).
It’s always best to bathe or shower with non-irritating, natural soap. Afterward use some oils to keep your skin feeling wonderful. Try sandalwood for connection, peppermint for stimulation or sage for purification. Or choose lemongrass for joy or simply for the fabulous smell!
#4: Try Some Yoga
Yoga may already be a part of your daily practice. If so, you’ve noticed how it seems to center your soul and get you thinking clearly. These are both key elements in keeping sex spiritual.
Try slow movements with a little stretch. Move fluidly from one pose to the next. Try poses that get the blood flowing to key areas, such as the bridge, cat pose, the snake, the frog and downward dog. Keep the experience sensual; don’t be afraid to make sounds, sigh and so on.
- Envision Your and Your Partner’s Divinity
As you begin to make love, try sitting facing one another. Put out your hands and touch palm-to-palm. Breathe easily and naturally; you’ll notice your breath beginning to slow and deepen.
Now imagine you can see the spark of divinity radiating from your partner’s heart. Feel it in your heart, too. This simple exercise reminds both of you how much you’re given and how much you can give as important elements of the divinity we all share.
- Anoint His (or Her) Body
There’s a reason oils have always been part of healing, love, and yes, even religious practices. In addition to the fragrance, floral or herbal oils give a wonderful “slip” for your hands to glide over your partner’s body. In the process, the two of you will begin to feel closer, and to truly feel appreciated.
Don’t just concentrate on what you know are his erogenous zones. Actually, during sacred sex, all areas of the body become erogenous zones. (So does your brain, by the way! It’s the sexiest organ of all.) Let your hands move, smooth along, play. Then ask him to do the same for you.
- Be Present During the Physical Act
Ironically, some forms of sex can actually push partners away from one another by making us think only about the physical and about our own pleasure. You’re looking for the opposite: union with one another to create something divine.
So instead, really look at your partner. This doesn’t have to be a staring session; instead, look at his face, his hands, his hair, all of him. Feel every feeling and listen to his every sound. By grounding yourselves in these physical ways, both of you stay present spiritually and mentally, elevating the experience to a whole new level.
- Feel Your Entire Orgasm
There’s nothing like the delight of an orgasm that feels like it’s lasting longer than usual. If you’ve had this experience you’ve probably noticed a tremendous emotional release in addition to the physical pleasure. When you’re engaging in spiritual sex, this emotion travels from you to your partner (and vice versa), especially if you keep open palms on his or her body, allowing the energy to flow between you.
This doesn’t have to entail physical gymnastics. Instead, truly feel every single second of your orgasm. Feel it as it builds and peaks. The denouement –– the ebbing of the orgasm –– is where many people begin to ignore the orgasm. Instead, feel every second of this, too.
Acknowledge this downward part of the peak with a slow, long breath outward –– an ahhhhh of breath. You’ll be amazed at how this enhances the spiritual aspect of sex.
- Make “the Afterglow” a Part of the Act
It’s an unfortunate thing and a true loss that we’re taught that basking in the afterglow of sex is only for special occasions, married couples, or some other specific event. That’s so untrue. The so-termed afterglow is a part of sex.
Don’t be in a hurry to jump up for a drink of water, to get dressed or take care of some other mundane chore. Instead, have food ready before you even begin. In the soft, happy, stimulated atmosphere of that “time after,” feed one another. Laugh. Talk quietly. Sing. Anything you want to do is fine, as long as you do it together and keep this important time a part of your spiritual sexual experience.
These may seem like a lot of steps, but in reality, there’s usually time for all of them. Think back to the time you first met your partner. How much time did you take to shower, get pretty and smooth on a delightful fragrance? How much time did you spend building up to the moment on your dates, looking into one another’s eyes and making little jokes between you? I’m guessing quite a bit.
Keeping all of those elements in your sexual experience as your relationship continues to deepen is what will turn sex into what it was always meant to be: a spiritual and delightful practice. By keeping the above thoughts in mind, you’ll find sex better than ever…including in ways you never thought possible.
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