The Ultimate How-To Guide To Orgasmic Sex And Sexual Intercourse For Women And Men

By Somraj Pokras of Tantra at Tahoe

Sex really is a physical expression of a whole lot of stuff that has no physical existence: love and joy, deep emotion, intense closeness, profound connection, spiritual awareness, incredibly good feelings, sometimes even ecstasy. — Dossie Easton & Catherine Liszt in The Ethical Slut

The erotic story of Tantric Love Making in our last newsletter demonstrates an alternative to Ordinary Sex and many other sexual styles. When you make love, it’s not just the outcome of supercharged passion that you should consider.

We all like different things at different times and approach sex differently. Most men and women differ in what they enjoy at different stages during lovemaking, too. Unless your seduction and playtime addresses what each gender needs, it will be one-sided, and flat for one while missing the target for the other.

There’s an innate magnetic intelligence in our bodies that lovers rarely take full advantage of. Most are so busy thinking and doing that they don’t get out of their own way and let the electromagnetism between their bodies and the dormant bio-energies inside take charge.
Tantric LoveMaking is more like an improv dance than a fully-scripted business agenda. It operates from a completely relaxed foundation where neither tries to control the outcome. We’re talking about joining together and sharing pleasure in a spontaneous, unplanned way. A way that’s easy and comfortable, not a struggle that takes hard work.

Tantric LoveMaking is more like meditation than athletics. Your mind isn’t busy plotting and planning, judging and justifying. Sure, you’re moving together but there’s no game-plan, choreography, or set of standards to follow.

How can you reach heights of passion like this for hours and hours? We’ve summarized with a few guidelines that we loosely follow when we make love. Maybe they can help you relate to how you can make your sex life more orgasmic…
• Approach lovemaking gently, reverently, with a sense of appreciation and wonder.
• Be in the timeless experience of here-and-now by entering into present time with love.
• Maintain eye contact when you’re not completely swooning and totally swept away.
• Be conscious of everything you’re feeling and everything you’re doing.
• Murmur love and appreciation amply making your union an intimate event.
• Be naked in front of each other inside and out.
• Don’t be shy. Be open and honest about what you want and don’t want.
• Follow what brings you the most pleasure without any major agenda.
• Talk softly and freely about what you’re feeling.
• Be responsive and show what you’re feeling with your breath, sounds, and movements.
• Relax, clear your mind, and focus all your attention on enjoying.
• Spread the delicious sensations you’re feeling throughout your body. Share them.
• Alternate between giving and receiving, dominating and surrendering, Yin and Yang.
• Play with and connect your energy with your beloved at all levels.
• Prove you care by not pushing for orgasm too soon or too selfishly. Instead, glide into pleasure together.
• Enjoy your peaks of pleasure by relaxing into them. There’s no rush. You can’t have too much of a good thing. Make it last and last.
• When the subtle vibrations engulf you, surrender. Let yourselves go where the spirit takes you.
• Instead of furiously chasing orgasm, frolic in the wonder and glory of love.

How Tantric Love Making Is Different

Here and there in my life were scattered moments of love that were glaringly different from the rest. When they occurred, time seemed to stop, become elastic, and the air, the space around me opened up to reveal a new dimension of sensual perception. It was if I was suddenly truly alive and an inner body intelligence took over. — Diana Richardson in The Heart Of Tantric Sex

Tantric LoveMaking is a kind of Jewel Union that both lovers contribute to and co-create. If you look at it from the viewpoint of cause and effect, it’s different from the man always being at cause and the woman only being at effect. Instead you both exert power to summon and share your life force. The giver who’s the cause point does take charge but at the same follows what their partner shows that they need and want. The receiver who’s at the effect point still guides and leads.

Neither the man nor the woman can make magic happen all by themselves. You need geysers of both energies bubbling forth, mixing, and merging. The rapture comes from communion at the multiple levels of heart, soul, and mind as well as body. Together you use sexual energy to empower love and love to empower sexual ecstasy.

Instead of him performing and her hoping he does a good job, you collaborate. You both contribute by knowing yourself and communicating what you want and what you’re feeling. That begins with mutual respect and patience and grows through lots of listening and even more consideration. Awareness of what you’re experiencing and what your partner is requesting is more vital than rehearsed technique.

Tantric LoveMaking is best when composed like a spontaneous symphony in response to each other’s changing desire, response, and excitement. Instead of a set, predictable scheme, it creates a Kaleidoscopic Rhythm, which means creatively and spontaneously varying sexual strokes and flowing in and out of sexual postures to create an exciting and continuously changing pattern of Jewel Union that may be interrupted with erotic massage, oral sex, and self-pleasuring at any time.

Because Tantric lovers are relaxed, open, and conscious, they sense each other’s passion flows, shifts, and surges. They both guide his vajra’s thrusts in and out of her yoni in response to what they want and how they feel in each moment.

For Tantric LoveMaking to work well, you have to create the right kind of environment together. We call this a Sacred Space because you jointly arrange and decorate your play area to honor each other and your love. You want a safe haven in which you both become absorbed in your physical senses while honoring your beloved’s pleasure. Then you can make your connection an intimate event, not an athletic contest. If you approach it with wonder in a gentle and sweet way, then you’ll act as partners joined together on the same side of a really fun game.

This is a conscious, intentional meeting of minds and bodies which requires you to be naked in front of each other inside and out. That means much more than just shedding your clothes.

Here’s a more detailed definition…

Tantric LoveMaking is more intimate, with more communication, and more cooperative. It’s not a performance, it’s a partnership. You create mutual pleasure together, like kids playing doctor for the first time. The whole experience becomes a closer one.

Tantric LoveMaking is first and foremost about consciousness, which widens the sexual playing field. When you approach sex consciously, you discover more of what you like, when, and how. You have more things to enjoy with new and different sensations.

To practice Tantric LoveMaking, learn to get out of your heads and into your bodies. So you feel more which makes your sexual experience deeper. The more you become aware of sexual energy, the more you’ll be able to summon passion at will and connect at more levels.

Tantric LoveMaking takes more time and lasts longer. Sometimes it’s slower, yes, but sometimes it’s faster before slowing to enjoy. Instead of rushing towards orgasm, you savor the pleasure which gets more and more intense. Which is wonderful, spending more hours generating, absorbing, and exchanging more life-giving energy.

Closer, wider, deeper, and longer sex yields more ecstasy with more intensity. When you open your senses to full enjoyment of pleasure and drop your expectations, agendas, and goals about sex, you naturally soar higher and higher. Both men and women discover new peaks, climaxes, and ecstatic experiences, expanding their orgasmic range.

With all this going for you, you’ll definitely beat the national average for committed couples having sex just once or twice a week for ten to fifteen minutes. You’ll get more sex because you’ll want more sex more often. It will make you feel more alive, more vibrant, more healthy, more peaceful. When your sexual encounters leave you feeling excited, energized, and empowered, you’ll make more time for it. Busy couples might say “more time?” But when the core of sexual coupling becomes highly valued, it shoots up the priority list.

When your sexual play becomes Closer, Wider, Deeper, Longer, Higher, and More, you’ll find your whole outlook on life becoming more positive, upbeat, balanced, evolved. Then you’ll know the true outcome of Tantric LoveMaking: a sexual meditation where you both float together, lost in the Orgasm Zone.

What a long, sweet, slow journey it will be.

Love, Somraj & Jeffre

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